My Work Is Done

The reason for my lack of posts over the past five days has now been revealed: Clearly I subconsciously intuited that today would bring the pinnacle of my blogging career, the sweet payoff for two years of sleep deprivation and bad posture hunched over a laptop. Yes, today my blog was mentioned by the Uptight Seattleite. I can now die happy. Has anyone started my Wikipedia entry yet?

But hold on, time out here, the beeps from my satire radar are growing louder…  Oh dear me, could it be that I was not only mentioned, but—say it isn’t so—mocked? Heavens yes, I think I now get the cleverly hidden subtext: If the Uptight Seattleite likes bikes and European transportation models and hugeasscity, then the take home message can be none other than this: the hugeasscity guy is just another typical psudo-new-agey, eco-hypocritical, knee-jerk liberal, hyper-PC, passive-agressive, super nice, uptight Seattleite.  The phrase “shooting fish in a barrel” comes to mind.

(Granted, it is a strange coincidence that I also play bass in a 40-something funky blues rock cover band.*)

So then, as payback for the Uptight Seattleite’s help in establishing hugeasscity in the local cultural lore, I would like to suggest a way we all could help bring greater fame and fortune to the creative mind behind the column: out him/her. That’s right, can anybody out there share with us the true identity of the author of Uptight Seattleite?

Or is that not PC?

Or am I just embarrassingly out of the loop, and everyone in the know already knows? I googled for it, albeit halfheartedly, but came up empty.

Or perhaps there is some serious, justifiable reason why the identity should not be revealed? But it’s not like Uptight is being critical of Obama or anything psychotic like that. At worst, Uptight is a little bit mean-spirited.

And the cool thing is commenters can revoke Uptight’s anonymity anonymously. Yup, I have a beef with anonymity in the media. Cause with rare exceptions, it’s just plain bad mojo.


*though I played guitar on this one.

16 Responses to “My Work Is Done”

  1. PCB

    Where “This is Spinal Tap” spoofed the music, “Beavis and Butthead” spoofed the fans. I take Uptight Seattleite as an example of the second kind, it’s humour directed at the slavish devotion of that certain sort of people, rather than at Dansko clogs or hugeasscity.

    Yes it is sometimes hard to differentiate between the cultural object and its audience – the music you don’t listen to because of its fans, the book so over-hyped you can’t bring yourself to read it – but we have to trust that people can. After all, to not speak of the latter because it may reflect badly on the former would be a very uptight Seattleite position to take.

  2. slag

    Yeah. That’s not gonna happen.

    But it does get tiresome. According to Mr. Seattleite’s argument, McGinn should use Microsoft products (apparently, Microsoft is now in the business of making PCs) because doing so would be a nice symbolic gesture that would also happen to demonstrate that McGinn isn’t all about symbolic gestures. How does the irony go unnoticed? And nowhere does he bother to address the remote possibility that the Mac might be a better tool for the job. That would be totally un-PC.

    As for Hugeasscity, you guys just end up getting caught in the Style Wars crossfire. Because being superficially cynical is like totally hip right now.

  3. Paulish

    Its Richard Conlin.

  4. workingdog

    The Uptight Seattleite is not one person, but something that exists within all of us.

  5. Joshua Daniel Franklin

    Yeah, I’ve always assumed that it’s a team effort. If not, the commentary is insightful that really s/he should get elected (assuming it’s not Conlin). His holiday(s) guide is just as useful this year.

    By the way, the Mac vs Microsoft argument is silly. Microsoft’s MacBU brings in plenty of cash, plus due to virtualization we’re actually sending more money to Redmond for each Mac than PC (due to the copy of Windows for VMWare Fusion, plus copies of Office for both OSes). The ones getting hit are Dell and HP.

  6. WB

    Dan, what the hell are you doing reading the Seattle Weekly?

  7. Chuck Wolfe

    It’s you.

  8. Barb

    I have also thought of the Uptight Seattleite as being the OPPOSITE of the Hugeasscity reader. Uptight Seattleite is all about Lesser Seattle. He loves that Seattle is a little hamlet with 65% of its land devoted to single family housing. He is old hippy Seattle, not new urban Seattle.

    Anyway, congrats on the mention Dan.

  9. bailey

    please add mp3 link to that last line.

  10. Alex Broner

    The guy who ghost wrote for Sarah Palin.

  11. seven

    I think you’re being sensitive.

    The reason the uptight person posts anonymously is because he/she is a coward and is worried that someone might call them out on their cheap columm.

    If anything, the shout-out is more like free advertisement for you. Reading uptight is like reading the family circus comic – because it’s there and you have a moment to kill and not necessarily that you have anything to gain from reading it. Not so with hugeasscity.

    Basically what Barb said is definitive for me.

  12. John of Humdinger

    “the take home message: the hugeasscity guy is just another typical psudo-new-agey, eco-hypocritical, knee-jerk liberal, hyper-PC, passive-agressive, super nice, uptight Seattleite.”

    No, no. They just mentioned you cause you’re the only guy west of the Mississippi that uses mp4 files.

  13. Dave Bordoley

    I’d prefer Mike to go online and buy his Macs from Amazon. At least that way he’d be supporting an actual company based in Seattle :P

  14. Joshua

    I would want to out Uptight Seattleite if anything he wrote was remotely interesting. It was funny the first read, slightly clever the second, and asinine since then. Thumbs down.

  15. Sivalinga

    “Silence Dogood was an inside job”

  16. Helen @ Dansko Worldwide

    Hi, just doing some research for my Dansko website. Amazing the amount of information on the web. Not quite what i was looking for, but good site. Have a nice day.

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