My Work Is Done

The reason for my lack of posts over the past five days has now been revealed: Clearly I subconsciously intuited that today would bring the pinnacle of my blogging career, the sweet payoff for two years of sleep deprivation and bad posture hunched over a laptop. Yes, today my blog was mentioned by the Uptight Seattleite. I can now die happy. Has anyone started my Wikipedia entry yet?

But hold on, time out here, the beeps from my satire radar are growing louder…  Oh dear me, could it be that I was not only mentioned, but—say it isn’t so—mocked? Heavens yes, I think I now get the cleverly hidden subtext: If the Uptight Seattleite likes bikes and European transportation models and hugeasscity, then the take home message can be none other than this: the hugeasscity guy is just another typical psudo-new-agey, eco-hypocritical, knee-jerk liberal, hyper-PC, passive-agressive, super nice, uptight Seattleite.  The phrase “shooting fish in a barrel” comes to mind.

(Granted, it is a strange coincidence that I also play bass in a 40-something funky blues rock cover band.*)

So then, as payback for the Uptight Seattleite’s help in establishing hugeasscity in the local cultural lore, I would like to suggest a way we all could help bring greater fame and fortune to the creative mind behind the column: out him/her. That’s right, can anybody out there share with us the true identity of the author of Uptight Seattleite?

Or is that not PC?

Or am I just embarrassingly out of the loop, and everyone in the know already knows? I googled for it, albeit halfheartedly, but came up empty.

Or perhaps there is some serious, justifiable reason why the identity should not be revealed? But it’s not like Uptight is being critical of Obama or anything psychotic like that. At worst, Uptight is a little bit mean-spirited.

And the cool thing is commenters can revoke Uptight’s anonymity anonymously. Yup, I have a beef with anonymity in the media. Cause with rare exceptions, it’s just plain bad mojo.


*though I played guitar on this one.